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thecoffeehouse2013-05-10 05:24 pm
colls) wrote in thecoffeehouse2013-05-10 05:24 pm
Entry tags:
you know you live in Nebraska when...
I'm a city girl these days, but I didn't grow up that way.
Nebraska - land of GO BIG RED!
According to the email my mom forwarded to me that she got from a neighbor who still lives in the eastern part of the state (and, randomly, who was related to my babysitterher son proposed to me when I was 5, we ate so much candy we threw up, #truestory) these are JEFF FOXWORTHY'S COMMENTS ABOUT NEBRASKA
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If you buy a TV that doesn't fit in your car, and the man in the van just parking next to you, says, "Just put it in the back of my van, I have to pick up a few things and then I'll drop it off. What is your address?" And about a half hour later, the van pulls into the driveway, the man helps you get the large box in the house, refuses any form of payment, except "Thank You!", drives away and you still don't even know his name, then you live in Nebraska.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in Nebraska.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Nebraska.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Nebraska.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Nebraska.
If "Vacation" means going anywhere east of York for the weekend, you live in Nebraska.
If you measure distance in squares of farm land, you live in Nebraska.
If you know several people who have hit a cow more than once, you live in Nebraska.
If you have gone from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you live in Nebraska.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Nebraska.
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both doors unlocked, you live in Nebraska.
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in Nebraska.*
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Nebraska.
If the I-80 speed limit is 75 mph -- you're going 90 and everybody is passing you, you live in Nebraska.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Nebraska.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in Nebraska.
If you have more hours on your snow blower than miles on your car, you live in Nebraska.
If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you live in Nebraska.
If you understand these jokes, and forward them to all of your Nebraska friends & others, you actually have lived in Nebraska.
***************************
*yes, I realize how sexist this is. I'M ONLY QUOTING!
I think my favorite one is the 4 seasons..
What jokes do people make about places you've lived?
Do they have any accuracy?
Nebraska - land of GO BIG RED!
According to the email my mom forwarded to me that she got from a neighbor who still lives in the eastern part of the state (and, randomly, who was related to my babysitter
***************************
If you buy a TV that doesn't fit in your car, and the man in the van just parking next to you, says, "Just put it in the back of my van, I have to pick up a few things and then I'll drop it off. What is your address?" And about a half hour later, the van pulls into the driveway, the man helps you get the large box in the house, refuses any form of payment, except "Thank You!", drives away and you still don't even know his name, then you live in Nebraska.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in Nebraska.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Nebraska.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Nebraska.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Nebraska.
If "Vacation" means going anywhere east of York for the weekend, you live in Nebraska.
If you measure distance in squares of farm land, you live in Nebraska.
If you know several people who have hit a cow more than once, you live in Nebraska.
If you have gone from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you live in Nebraska.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Nebraska.
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both doors unlocked, you live in Nebraska.
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in Nebraska.*
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Nebraska.
If the I-80 speed limit is 75 mph -- you're going 90 and everybody is passing you, you live in Nebraska.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Nebraska.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in Nebraska.
If you have more hours on your snow blower than miles on your car, you live in Nebraska.
If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you live in Nebraska.
If you understand these jokes, and forward them to all of your Nebraska friends & others, you actually have lived in Nebraska.
***************************
*yes, I realize how sexist this is. I'M ONLY QUOTING!
I think my favorite one is the 4 seasons..
What jokes do people make about places you've lived?
Do they have any accuracy?
Jeff Foxworthy on WV
Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about West Virginians...
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may live in West Virginia.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in West Virginia.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in West Virginia.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in West Virginia.
If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of Charleston for the Weekend, you may live in West Virginia.
If you measure distance in hours, you may live in West Virginia.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in West Virginia.
If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you may live in West Virginia.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in West Virginia.
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in West Virginia.
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in West Virginia.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in West Virginia.
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in West Virginia.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in West Virginia.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in west virginia .
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in West Virginia.
If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you may live in West Virginia.
If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your West Virginia friends & others, you definitely live in West Virginia.
Many of these are accurate. HAHAH. And many are the same as your's!
Re: Jeff Foxworthy on WV
Re: Jeff Foxworthy on WV
no subject
The old cliché joke is:
"I'm from New Jersey"
"What exit?"
Some "you know you're from" jokes: You know you're from New Jersey if:
* You don't understand why there aren't more 24-hour diners elsewhere in the country. very true
* You know what a Wawa is, and know the location of at least 15 of them. nope, must be a different part from where I lived *g*
* The Jets/Giants game has started fights at your school and/or local bar. yep
* There are no self serve gas stations and you like it that freakin' way... "yous gotta problem wit dat?" lol, yep - never pumped my own gas in my life (not that I drive too much in the city - so not worth it because it's impossible (or exorbitantly expensive to park here)
* You've had sex on the beach, and I'm not talking about the beverage. well
* You know how to successfully handle a traffic circle. yep
* You think the Olive Garden is crap and should have never opened any restaurants in New Jersey. yep
* You're Italian. nope
* Even your school made good Italian subs. yep
* You know where to get the best bagels and pizza. yep
* "Anyone who makes bad pizza can go to hell" is your attitude. Well, I'm not that extreme about it
* You've run out of money on the Parkway. lol, yep
* You've lived through hurricanes, nor'easters and fires, but have never seen a tornado, earthquake, tsunami or volcano. true
* You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros. creation. yep
* You know what a "jug handle" is. yep
* You can go bowling at 1:30 A.M. (with automatic scoring)! yep
* In high school, you worked at a Friendly's. nope
* Route 18 doesn't freak you out at night. didn't live near Route 18
* At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen. nope
* There's a fruit and vegetable stand down the road. nope, not where I lived
* You're an aggressive driver. lol, yep
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